Where did the good sex go?

[Niagra]

I am writing this to all you men that have wives or girlfriends that you feel don't like or want sex as often as you or as wild as you. Assuming of course that when you do have sex she enjoys it and theres not an issue that has caused her to dislike sex. Oral or otherwise.

I truly believe there is one simple thing that we forget and some of you even ignore or find stupid regarding the female species. We were created as emotional creatures. Therefore, if you want to love a woman in the bedroom you must love the whole woman. Not just the physical one. YOu must bring emotion to the bedroom.

I'm talking raw deep unbridled emotion, passion, desire, want, need. Urgently, desperately expressing how bad you want her, need her, love her and desire her. If you can bring that aspect into the bedroom there is nothing she won't give you in there. She will indeed suprise you in the most erotic areas of your mind.

If you need to better understand exactly what I mean go to http://dirtyboy2.blogspot.com . It is a blog written by a man named Roger. It is erotic writing for woman. This man I can tell you knows what woman desire and need. You will see from the comments of the readers after each story how many woman wish and hope their man would do that to them. I have read that comment time and time again.

Go on go see for yourself.... You surely will be driven to your own cock anyway.... very good hot steamy sex in evey story so you have nothing to lose by visiting. By the way... one of the stories I have highly recommended on many occassions is Fucking you against the Wall. YOu will find that in the archives on the left. Scroll down and you will see it.

Think about it. Why love only half of the woman - God gave you a gift ... the perfect gift ... enjoy the whole woman and realize the whole man you have yet to become.

Let me hear what you have to say. I can take it. Bring it on. [/b]

[BigBob]

Well, even though as Woody Allen says, it's just sex with myself, I still enjoy getting into it, and really taking my time instead of just 'rubbing one out'.

Occasionally I might do that, but it's a rare time.

I definitely need to be thinking about someone to be able to, I'm just not one who'll just masturbate just for the feeling it brings, I'm always fantasizing about someone and what I'd be doing to them, that's why I usually take so long, but it's WORTH it

[redlion]

Of course without passion Sex is nothing but meaningless actions to orgasm.

[ilikeitalot]

I'm talking raw deep unbridled emotion, passion, desire, want, need. Urgently, desperately expressing how bad you want her, need her, love her and desire her.

I don't know if I totally understand. I have the passion, desire, want and need. I'm not sure about the emotion though. Can you define "emotion"? I certainly have emotion... but I'm not sure if it's the right kind. Due to all of our differences, I'm just not sure the love is there. And without that, maybe I'm doomed to things staying the same... until/unless that changes. It's complicated... I think I'll just email you, rather than fill this forum with more details of my married life lol.

BTW, thanks for the really good advice for us cave-men guys. God knows we need it.

[Niagra]

Lets take a closer look at exactly what happens and why....See if any of you recognize your relationship... I bet most of you can... this will help alot...

Fact: Men are physical regarding life and the act of sex for the most part.
Fact: Women were created physical AND Emotional creatures.

Fact: During dating and early marriage or relationship MEN typically fall in love after sexual contact with there Mrs. Right. It is during this time that Men become highly emotional in the sexual appetite. Having no problem showing how much he desires her.
Fact: Woman have already fallen for you or are highly emotionaly turned on by your urgent need and spicy desire for them sexually during the dating and early marriage phases

Desire is EMOTION... NEED is Emotion ... Love Is EMOTION

Soon - and as it should - man becomes comfortable and stable in his choice of woman. And as a result the emotion that was once very much apart of the sexual experience between them becomes less. They are afterall not naturally emotional and are physical. There is no longer the need in man to express such raw emotion... surely she knows you love her. Surely shes happy with you as you feel secure in the relationship. Then even without understanding why ... the woman notices she is less and less horny. The woman that she once was and the sex cat that you fell in love with doesn't want to gag down your cock every single chance she gets like she once did. She is really upset by this and becomes sometimes even worried that SHE is not providing you with what you need. Doubt can lead to all kind of insecurities. Endless to mention here. And so the vicious cycle begins to weave its way into the deep fibers that bind you. Causing more and more distance and weaving its ugly web of lies and doubts in self and in each other into all areas of your relationship. You begin to feel the cold hard reality that all men do .. that after marriage or the beginning everything stops - blaming her and growing to resent that you don't share the same sexual appetite anymore . She changed!!!
So you look to others to fullfill the adventure you crave the wild tiger within to meet your continued curiousities and changing appetite for the God given human sexual experience. Man has neglected to love the whole woman sexually. Man truly cannot be 100% to blame either as how can we know if we are not taught the fundamentaly different aspects of our genders. It happens silently and worse yet it happens when finally joy and peace within us has been realized and come true. She doesn't understand why and neither does he. All they feel is difference. The greatest offense ever perpetuated on the gift of woman to man in my opinion is the inability and sometimes down right hatred of the very essense of woman .. EMOTION. If a man wants a good and continued satisfying and beyond compatible mate he must not only learn to bring raw emotion into the bedroom he must learn to love that part of a woman. It is the very key to our sexuality. Raw naked desire for her mmmm , my pussy tingles as I write the mere words. You must go to the blogsite I mentioned and read Fucking you against the wall. http://dirtyboy2.blogspot.com/2006/02/f ... -wall.html here is the link. Part 2 is on the side menu!!! There is not a woman on this planet that does not desire to be taken like this ... with urgent abandon.


Is this scenarion one in which makes sense to you? Can you see how it happens... and doesn't it make sense? I have always felt and still do that the differences between us should be looked at in school. I was in my 20s before I realized that we think differently and react differently. Already having a failed marriage and child. Seems to me if we at least new the fundamentals we may have a much better chance at making it. At seeing it . At stopping this from happening.!

[Wanker023]

I understand what Niagra is saying. After reading that blog I think that kind of sex is not something that can be acted out or simulated in any kind of way. It comes from inside and nowhere else. I think women have a need for that kind of sex but not all of them act on that need. Many supress it and hope it doesn't come back.

[Danika]

Of course without passion Sex is nothing but meaningless actions to orgasm.

I'm a man when it comes to sex. I watch some porn to get in the mood. Or come on here, read some stories... go searching for pics, whatever. Then get sex over and done with. *shrug*

[Niagra]

[/quote]I'm a man when it comes to sex. I watch some porn to get in the mood. Or come on here, read some stories... go searching for pics, whatever. Then get sex over and done with. *shrug*[/quote]

BUMMER DUDE!! Missing out I can assure you.

[RHM]

I like your theory Babes....I understand it and it make sense to me. One can tell that you have researched this topic thoroughly and might have 1st hand experience in the fundamental differences between Man & Woman and the pain it causes if the inevitable process of deterioration is not recognized and reversed in time.

So the answer is to the age old problem of failed relationships & marriages is simple: Love the total Woman...not only the physical but more the Emotional.

Although it make sense to me, I know there must be more to it.
This angle covers only the sexual side of the relationship...the passion, desire, want, need and the desperate expression how bad you want her. What Roger does is telling a story of lust...of a man who is so horny if his wife didn't come home in time he probably would have screwed the cat!

Most of us (your & my generation), have been there...in the beginning of our relationships...we know what Roger is talking about....we've done it...think about it...isn't it the main reason why most of us so desperately want our youth back...I certainly do!

But is this enough to keep us together and happy....somehow I don't think so? Why are my parents still together & seemingly happy after 50 years of marriage....surely not because the "old man", at the age of almost 80, is the hunk he use to be...but because they connected on a Intellectual & Spiritual level.
Isn't that more important as the physical...I don't know? I think one has to find a happy balance between the three.
Do the Intellectual & Spiritual levels offer you a better chance on success than the Physical....I think so yes. I would rather be with a "Niagra" which can connect with me on all 3 levels, than with a young beautiful blond with never-ending legs & a body to die for but as dum as a door-nail.

I want to agree with ilike...it's complicated...God knows....sometimes I feel it's impossible to make it work...it is probably one of the biggest challenges we as Humans face everyday...and it's because Babes...you've got it so spot-on....it happens silently, slowely...without noticeing.
Can this process of deterioration be reversed? If the Intellectual & Spiritual connections are not in place...I don't think so.
If you hope to screw your Partner's love and affection back it will not work, not even if you try to do it the way Roger describes it....because Roger's deterioration hasn't started yet...he's still madly in love with his wife & she with him.

Maybe...if we learn more about the "real" Roger, we will find that he went through the same disappointments as we all do and that he now write stories as fantasies to a life we all desire.

Thanks for your thought provoking and welcome advice Babes....I know of at least two levels I can and would like to connect with you....God knows...I'll probably give half the size of my dick to try the Physical....will you ever get the cave-men attitude out of us....don't even try!

[Doma]

Yes I am a guy and yes I do believe in having sex with loving emotions. Believe me it makes it so much better. It is a proven fact that sex is best when both the man and the woman are enjoying it.

[alwayshard]

Over and done with? Oh man, for my ex and I a quicky lasted an hour, a regular session on the average 2-3 hours. You really don't know what you're missing.

[Niagra]

Maybe...if we learn more about the "real" Roger, we will find that he went through the same disappointments as we all do and that he now write stories as fantasies to a life we all desire.

Roger is single, not married and just like all of us here is horny and loves to masturbate. He writes erotica for women. And trust me the women I've sent and the women who read it love it.... read the comments if you doubt it.


I'm seriously considering looking into this further....I know I'm spot on and I know if couples were educated in the differences of our genders and take steps to avoid the silent killer it could be the difference between staying married and ending in divorce for thousands.

But what about the marriages already fallen prey to the silent killers effects. Can urgent expression of desire rekindle a flame in a marriage? I can't give first hand knowledge on it but I can give first hand observations to some of you among many others in their personal lives and relationships. So I think now is as good a time as any to bring those to light..

Certainly there must be the basic elements already in place. ... They both must genuinely love each other on a spiritual level. They must have both at one time had this type of good lovin in the first place, and they both must be sexual creatures. Now what I mean by sexual creatures is someone that still enjoys sex or masturbation whenever they do have it. Not dried up old prunes. It is not impossible at all to rekindle this passion. It takes movement... it takes you getting up from your desk and doing something about it. It takes action. And I truly must say, that some if not most of those I have worked with and all of those except for 1 here I have tried to work with were unwilling to even look at what it would take. Could it be that we have become so complacent, so passive, so lazy and so use to bitchin about it that we have accepted it as it is somewhere inside ourselves and don't really care enough to do what it takes to fix it? If the answer is yes, then what you are basically saying is you have given up the part of you that brings you the essense of vitality... one of the things that makes you feel young and alive. There again its your choice. However I say to you if that has been your choice then stop bitchin #1, and certainly make sure your partner is ok with living the rest of their life without that passion #2.... and further what are you doing to substitute for the lack of sex you get as a direct result of that decission?....Are you doing things with others outside the marriage or relationship that your partner would be upset about? If so, heres what I see and I am saying this in love and in respect for those here and you know who you are... I find it very sad that you choose to give up your vitality or substitute its source after promising before God or each other your committment to each other. I find it alarming that you feel so confident in yourselves that you believe that your partners will always be there and I find it cowardess that you have not the courage to at least try by movement and deep thought to do what is right by your lovers and more importantly by yourselves as sexual creatures. Don't you want to have passion in your lives?... not every time you get it on but don't you miss being desired in the real realm . The one that electrifies your soul and makes you want to shout it from the hilltops. Its what makes this life here worth living. A very good friend of mine whom I have surely offended more times than I care to mention said this to me the other day and it is very much appropriate to say here... "Life is short and this is your life ...THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHERSAL"

Getting back what was stolen from you the energy of your relationship... it is worth getting off your ass and getting into thinking about it.... Stop bitchin because you now have the answers and you choose to do nothing. If your partner should learn that you knew and certainly what you choose to do behind their back.... the ultimate look on their face would surely be one you would never forget. Do something about it.

The whole woman is not being met sexually, and obviously the lack of respect you show by your substitution for sex.. shows she is not being met intellectually or emotionally ... and the fact that you have not even asked her what she thinks about living a life with out passion shows you are not meeting her needs spiritually too..... Hmmmm and I guess you feel shes always gonna be there is because of your lovely cock? ooohhh thats right... its the money?? ... or the need to feel useless??/ What enlighten me. God this outta be good.


For those of you that want to change things that want to reclaim the passion that you once had and are willing to do some serious soul searching and then movement... your reward will be endless possibilities and continued sexual freedom and depth and a partner to grow old with you love and cherish more as the years roll on instaed of the bleak reality that awaits the ones that sit and do nothing now while they still look good enough for the cam but give it a few more years... then what? I don't have all the answers but I know what you need to make it happen to set the foundation for the day you take your partner against the wall like Roger has taken so many..... I am willing to spend my time with you... truly to devote my time to help you ... if your interested.... send me and email or pm I will help. We can at least try. Don't you care what you see when you look in the mirror...aren't you at all concerned how you look to your lover? To her friends or his friends? Don't you care about you anymore?

I've seen enough to last me a lifetime yet I am a glutten for punishment. Go ahead tear me up say what you need to say to discredit the answers all because your embarassed and mad at yourselves. I can take it ... I'm just lil ol horny me.... right... no gifts not 100% woman... just some horny lil slut from a masturbation forum...right? or wrong? Tell me I want to hear what you have to say. I want to hear all of it. I do really care about all of us ... Good Luck know matter what you choose... as for me I will never choose less the the utmost passion and deepest of loves for my life. Call me unrealistic ... but you can't call me a coward.