kelly wrote:Wow, I couldn't have put it better myself. I definitely fit into that category, and have no intention to become sexually involved outside a meaningful (if not lasting) relationship.
Since you asked... the man of my dreams is 12 years older than me, and is intelligent, funny, interesting, and extremely handsome. He has a great job, and the two of us get on well. His drawback is that he's shy with women. A genuine heterosexual 40 year old virgin. Over the years I've known him he's revealed that he's inexperienced, but that his dream is to have a wife. But he's never even asked a girl out. I've made a move on him three times (once a year on average, lol) and the result has made me feel terrible, because instead of lapping it up like a normal man, or fobbing me off in some way, he turns from an incredibly sweet, friendly guy into a panicking, blithering mess. He looks at the floor, gets his words tangled up, blushes a nice shade of beetroot, and becomes unable to say anything spontanously. So I've stopped chatting him up, and I just treat him as a friend and let him know I think he's great.
Sounds like he had one or more tramatic experiences in his youth which is continuing to effect his life.
I know as a child I thought I was ugly, nerdy, booring, etc. and that no women would ever go out with me when they could go out with someone beter looking, smarter, a beter conversationalist, etc. And because of that I had never developed relationship skills with women. So when I was in a situation with a woman I was attacted to, I would become very paniky, like a deer in the headlights. I figured that I would grow up to be a 40 year old virgin. So with the pressure of not wanting to be a virgin forever and haveing failed so miserably with my previous atempts at relationships I had realy set myself up for failure.
When I was 23 and still a virgin, I went to this party. Fortunatly, due to drinking way much and flirting with a promiscuous woman(I later found out), I had sex. I moved in with her, as I needed a place to stay and she needed a roommate, (and I was very nieve)and we dated for a month. It wasn't great, but it allowed me to relax about sex and understand what kind of woman I was (and was NOT attracted to).
Doing that allowed me to meet other women without the worries of what MIGHT happen. I've have 3 girlfriends since, and the sex and the relationships have been much better. So even though I was alot like your friend, kelly, It's not impossable for him to get over his fear of sex. Ofcouse he's much older then me and it might be harder for him to go through.
Anyway, he sounds like the guy from the movie 'the 40 year old virgin' a nice guy, just never learned how to meet women. It's a great movie by the way, very funny and may help both of you understand and deal with his fears and anxieties about sex.
Another option is for him to see a therapist. He'll probably resist the idea, but he could look at it like this: If he had a toothache that was so bad, it kept him up at night, he'd go to the dentist right? If something is interfiering with your life, you get it fixed. You don't ignore it until it becomes a bigger problem. That's advice everyone should lissen to when dealing with there fears or worries. If you could have fixed it by now, you would have. So maybe it's time you talk to an expert instead of letting it get worse. anyways sorry about the rant, I had to get it out of my system :p
Anyway, I hope this will help.
I HAVEN'T had any type of sex in atleast 2yrs min - i can be wrong tho - I'm turning 30 this weekend eek! i should be either in a steady relationship or married by now . I too like the guy Kelly posted about lack confidence in my self to ask a girl out - i did how ever 2years ago go "on a date" if you call it that with a girl to a country western dance place with a girl - Come to find out all her friends were there and she spent more time with them then ME . She didn't like the fact i brought roses for her - maybe the date wasn't ment to be - I just don't have the currage to walk up to any girl any where to even say hello whats your name and be able to get a number out of it .. honestly what guy today only has Guy friends # 's in thier cell phone ? well ok - except gay guys (sorry fellas ) i'm affraid - i'm affraid of rejection , i'm afraid girls won't like me sexually . My view point i've found thus far (don't take this wrong girls on here this is a real life assumption ) girls want a package deal - the good looks , the big cock , the expensive car , the 400k house , money to shop etc . what ever happen to girls just meeting and falling in love - o wait thats the days of leave it to beaver (sorry no pun intended for this one ) Where ppl just fell in love and they had kids etc .
