I've only not performed once...on the first date with a girl I'd been pursuing for a long time, and that I was kinda awe-struck by. When we finally got into bed, I was nervous and hyper-ventilating. She was great, gave me kisses, rubbed me a little and asked if I wanted to stroke myself, while she hugged and cuddled me. It still took a while, but I became hard, and she mounted me. Being so nervous, I didn't cum for a long time, and she was VERY happy with how long she could enjoy me...
....so I guess I'm suggesting that if you find a kind and understanding girl, who cares for you, then you will both surely find a way to enjoy each other.
NOW, since the topic is actually sex parties, I will say that my first sex was with swinging couples (when I was in high-school), who also took me to more organized sex parties at some swinger's nudist camps. I love them! Not sure I recommend them as a way to break through inhibitions, though, unless your inhibitions are just a thin curtain hiding your libido....