JO Buddy Question:

[momo]

Yes, I believe that's what they say. So true.

['turo]

My wife and I have discussed exactly this issue and have agreed that it would be ok for me to jack off with another man, something I've been wanting to do for quite a while, or for her to masturbate with another woman, which she has done a few times, but anyone of the opposite sex would be off limits.. we've never gone back on our word to each other in over 35 years.

[handyman43201]

My wife knew, and condoned, that I had various JO buds. Just as us guys get horny watching 2 girls go at it...she got turned on by 2 guys jackin' each other off.

[bos.guy]

My wife knew, and condoned, that I had various JO buds. Just as us guys get horny watching 2 girls go at it...she got turned on by 2 guys jackin' each other off.

does this mean you jacked off in front of her...or just the idea turned her on?

[handyman43201]

Yes, she watched...quite a few times
I jacked myself...he jacked hinself.
Yes, I jacked him.
Yes, he jacked me
Yes...she often jilled for us.

[malavik]

i think people on here said it best, it depends on how far you go really. That and how honest you are, if it is something you feel you need to be secretive about because you dont feel she would approve then yes it is wrong, if it is something you need to be secretive about at all i think it is wrong. i think deep down if you are keeping a secret like that you dont thinkl she would approve and that would make it wrong, look at it from her point of view. How would you like it if you found out your wife got together with a male for jack of sessions kept it a secret from you and sweared nothing more than jacking off happened?

[cockedandloaded]

I've been following this thread for a while and here are my two cents on this topic. It is obvious to me that you would enjoy a jack off buddy and you shouldn't feel in any way that it is a form of adultery. The only problem with you having a J/O bud is if it were something you kept a secret. Just be up front and honest with your wife that you might occasionally masturbate with another man. The more information you can give her, the more comfortable she'll become with the idea/action. Let her know that it is something you enjoy doing, that it is purely friendship based, and most importantly that it has nothing to do with sexual identity or a lack of attraction for her. Masturbating with a friend is a perfectly healthy activity and seems to be more "normal" than society would like to admit. It just happens to be one of our remaining (and most irritating) social taboos. In my opinion, my masturbating with a buddy is just an activity like any other we might engage in as friends. We play football together. We play video games together. We watch porn and jack off together. Big deal!

Cheers bro! Hope you get some gratification from part of this rant?

[bos.guy]

cockedandloaded: thanks for the honest and candid reply!

i greatly appreciate your thoughts on this matter, and am also pleased to see that some people have actually found this topic of some interest...

my follow-up comment is regarding your words about sexual identity: i 100% concur that having a male jerk-off buddy is really just a part of male bonding, or male activities, and does not necessarily (depending on the person i suppose) lead to any form of sexual activity and/or confusion of one's sexual identity.

i've spoken with my wife in the past about my jerking off with mates, and as i've posted in past threads in this topic, she thinks it's kind of funny now and isn't concerned about it, as i honestly assured her that it was really just about guys watching porn and getting off...BUT, i think she has a hard time seperately that which is purely a "bonding" activity, with that which is "sexual."

i think this is the case because 1) she's very private about sex 2) never had a jilling partner 3) doesn't usually masturbate herself 4) doesn't like porn, and 5) i typically masturbate her as a form of foreplay, so i think she automatically equates masturbation as a sexual activity...

now, don't get me wrong, i acknowledge that masturbation is a form of sexual activity, but perhaps i'm going out on a limb here to state that jerking with a buddy just seems different to me: i don't desire to kiss, make-out or cuddle with my mates. i don't want to have oral or anal sex with my mates...and in the past, it's just been one of those things where we were both watching porn and told each other we were horny and needed to jerk off, so we just always decided to do it in front of each other. yes, this was exciting i suppose, but again, i would 100% agree that this did not confuse me about my sexuality, or even change my sexuality in anyway (unless, maybe, to help break down those silly social taboos, as you say, and recognize that i can find this to be a fun, rather than disgusting, activity with a male friend).

other people have commented on how i would feel if my wife had a secret male jerk-off buddy, and while i understand that most people are responding to the "secret" aspect of my original post, i would like to state that the question was more about same-sex jerk or jill buddies. so, while i would never want to take a jill partner, because i know that would be violating the sexual relationship with my wife, i would say that her taking a male jack partner would violate that same trust.

if she wanted to have a jill partner, or had one in the past, i think i would be less jealous or upset, and recognize that she was responding to the same thoughts/curiosities/ideas that i was responding to when i jerked off with male friends in the past...or the same thoughts that i'm still contemplating now. i suppose i don't know my true feelings on this subject unless i was faced with her wanting to have a jill partner, but at this stage in the game, i can see myself being fairly intrigued by the concept!

thanks again to all who have responded to this post...

[tony_108]

My partner and I are both bisexual, and the idea of her having a JO buddy of either sex is upsetting to me. If she asked me though, I'd just tell her that and I wouldn't be upset at her asking at all. I think that she'd probably be the same in reversed roles, although I certainly have no desire for a JO buddy of either sex.

[Alan]

Okay, here are my initial thoughts.....

Based on the posts, it appears that some people believe that there is nothing wrong with having a jack off buddy based on two fundamental concepts:

1. Jacking off with a bud is about male bonding and not about sex.

2. There is a mutual understanding that the event is limited to just jacking and there is no exchange of sex ("things don't go too far").

Although I have never had a JO bud, I believe that both of the above concepts are flawed. If in fact jacking with a bud was about bonding and not about sex; there would be no reason for concept #2. Having said this, I am curious to know why people seem to think that the defining difference in their sexualality is based on "how far you go". If in fact I did have a JO bud it would (for me) be about sex and I honestly see no difference as to whether we just jacked; or ended up sucking and fucking each other.

In my opinion, the concept of "sexual identity" is rediculous. Sexual desires are very powerfull and most people are afraid to find out what they might enjoy. Accordingly, our society has created the ignorant self serving (just my opinion) concept of trying to catagorize people based on their sexual experiances. Although I do believe that there is validity to defining if a person is gay or straight (or a combination thereof), I just think that the identity should be based their relationships (love for a person) and not soley determined on their sexual desires or experiances.

For the record, I have never had sex with a man nor do I have a desire to. I have made the effort to understand my sexual nature so I am no longer afraid of people that might have desires that are different from my desires. If by chance I was in a situation to jack with a bud, I would probably do it and be very turned on. However, I see no real difference between masturbating together compared to doing anal and oral stuff. For me, the whole experiance would be sexual; however, I would not waste my time trying to determine my identity based on the event. I would probably go for it all and honestly never think twice about it or over analyze the encounter.

In summary, I do think jacking with a bud would be no different than masturbating with a person of the opposite sex and, therefore, would be considered cheating.

[Hornymale]

Well said Alan.

Okay, here are my initial thoughts.....

Based on the posts, it appears that some people believe that there is nothing wrong with having a jack off buddy based on two fundamental concepts:

1. Jacking off with a bud is about male bonding and not about sex.

2. There is a mutual understanding that the event is limited to just jacking and there is no exchange of sex ("things don't go too far").

Although I have never had a JO bud, I believe that both of the above concepts are flawed. If in fact jacking with a bud was about bonding and not about sex; there would be no reason for concept #2. Having said this, I am curious to know why people seem to think that the defining difference in their sexualality is based on "how far you go". If in fact I did have a JO bud it would (for me) be about sex and I honestly see no difference as to whether we just jacked; or ended up sucking and fucking each other.

In my opinion, the concept of "sexual identity" is rediculous. Sexual desires are very powerfull and most people are afraid to find out what they might enjoy. Accordingly, our society has created the ignorant self serving (just my opinion) concept of trying to catagorize people based on their sexual experiances. Although I do believe that there is validity to defining if a person is gay or straight (or a combination thereof), I just think that the identity should be based their relationships (love for a person) and not soley determined on their sexual desires or experiances.

For the record, I have never had sex with a man nor do I have a desire to. I have made the effort to understand my sexual nature so I am no longer afraid of people that might have desires that are different from my desires. If by chance I was in a situation to jack with a bud, I would probably do it and be very turned on. However, I see no real difference between masturbating together compared to doing anal and oral stuff. For me, the whole experiance would be sexual; however, I would not waste my time trying to determine my identity based on the event. I would probably go for it all and honestly never think twice about it or over analyze the encounter.

In summary, I do think jacking with a bud would be no different than masturbating with a person of the opposite sex and, therefore, would be considered cheating.

[AppleMan]

I have never had a JO partner but am now looking for one. Would prefer a women but would try a man. My wife has such low interest in sex that I need some release - since she has no interest.

[captainwhackit]

I've wondered about this and included the question in some of my research.

The way I see it is there are two distinct lines of thought.

In this "honesty" scenario you'd tell your partner. It's the act of withholding the information that is considered cheating. If you are keeping this secret from your partner, then there is clearly a reason to, which means that you know they would have a problem with it and therefore you are considered to be cheating.

Then there's the thought that it's no big deal or that it's just not a sexual act.
I think a lot of men consider masturbation as a bodily function rather than a sexual act. When two straight guys are jerking off together they're usually passing it off as just a bonding experience or a social activity. There is usually some degree of sexual desire in there, but if they are burying it then it's not really a conscious sexual event.

I recently shared a discussion with my best mate and his fiancée where they raised the topic after walking in on their house mate jerking it. My mate said he'd jerked off with friends as a teen, and that it wasn't a big deal, it was just fun to watch porn together and jerk off. She thought it was weird, but mostly just found it funny. She didn't seem to have a problem with the idea itself, because she knows it's not something that would break up a male/female relationship.

My personal opinion is that between two straight men who just watch porn and stroke together it shouldn't be an issue of trust. You're not going to leave your wife/girlfriend for your buddy. It's a hobby, a bonding ritual or social exercise.
Even if it progresses to swapping hands or oral, if it's just for practicality rather than a conscious desire, does it really qualify as cheating?

I guess ultimately it's down to your relationship and what you know wouldn't be considered as acceptable.

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