Share your favorite jokes

[bill53]

I'm really sure lot's of you are like jokes.

Why not share here your favorite jokes so others can know about it

Below is my favorite joke which is Needles Are Not Nice

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"

Bob was very stupid, thinking his vital will be cut for a urine test

[jaybee2000]

A man had been showering and had stupidly got himself locked out of his hotel room while completely naked.
Three elderly ladies approached along the corridor and he decided to stand very still to look like a statue.
The first old lady said "OOh look a good-luck statue. You tug on his private part and make a wish and your wish should come true". She gave the first tug and made a wish. Nothing happenned. The second lady gave a tug, made a wish and nothing happenned. Then the third lady gave a couple of tugs and shouted, "ooh! look, hand lotion, just what I wanted".

[eliminator]

dunno if i've posted this on this forum, but i came across this, and its pretty funny:

[cumsocks]

A California business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, the Californian knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep. The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Californian joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"

[eliminator]

A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

The boy says, "That won't work."

His mom says, "Why?"

The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

[Tazz41]

There's this 40 yr old woman,she still lives at home with her elderly parents. One day the parents came home to find their daughter laying on the couch with a vibrator stuffed in her pussy. Shocked, the old lady asks"What the hell are you doing"? To which the daughter replied,"Im 40 yrs old,and will never get married this old,so this is my husband,"shaking the vibrator in the air.Later that afternoon the old woman, and daughter had been out shopping, and came home to find the old man naked in the kitchen drinking a Martini,with the vibrator humming in his ass.Shocked the old woman asks again "What the hell are you doing?"
The old guy says "im having a drink, and getting to know my new son in law."

[eliminator]

The Money Theorem

Dilbert's Theorem on Salary states that engineers and scientists can never earn as much salary as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows : Power = Work / Time

Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:
Knowledge = Work / Money

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.

Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Earn.

[Alan]

the other day i was sitting at the bar and the most beatiful and sexy woman i had ever seen walked in and sat 4 stools over from me. even though i have a girlfriend, this gal was so fucking hot that i couldn't help myself and i started to come on to her......; which impressed me very much because usually i can't cum that far!!!

[eliminator]

nice!